Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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