I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
