I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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