Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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