Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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