I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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