idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
