Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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