Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Naked. naked and bneed help.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
