i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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