haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
