I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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