you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
