My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize