I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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