we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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