he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize