Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
