Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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