so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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