where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sponge bath it is.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
