Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
