Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
