Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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