the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
