Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
