I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
