in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
