If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize