thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
