Dude my mom stole all your condoms
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This baby is an asshole
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
