and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
