Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We just shotgunned beers for America
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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