I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize