If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
