i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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