I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
