You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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