dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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