Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
