if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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