yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
