ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
