Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
