There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
