Is it normal to miss your booty call?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
