I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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