it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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