dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
