i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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