I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
