I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
