im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
