so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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