you didnt know i had herpes?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
That was before I lit my hair on fire
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
