I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
