I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
