I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
