I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
