i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize