i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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