help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
