She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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