I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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