i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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