In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
did you just send me my own nude
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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