the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
