i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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