I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
