What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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