if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
